As promised in A Parenting Plan is a Good Thing, Right? I’m now going to look at what typically goes into a parenting plan. Bear in mind though that a parenting plan is a personal thing and a mediator will help you to create a plan that suits your family.

Communication

Communication, or rather poor communication, is often at the root of many parenting problems facing separating parents. It’s not an easy task to deal with ending an intimate relationship whilst carrying on a positive parenting relationship for the benefit of the children. Communication is possibly the most important part of a parenting plan and it recurs under various subheadings.

Routine arrangements

This is broad and includes living arrangements; face-to-face time the children spend with each parent, other time spent with each parent, e.g. through phone calls, social media, video communication and so on, time the children spend with grandparents and others, school runs, after-school clubs, hobbies … What happens when a child is ill or when a parent is ill?

Holidays and special days

Where are the children going to be during the school holidays and on bank holidays? Who will care for them? Where and with whom will they spend their birthdays, their parents’ birthdays, special religious and cultural festivals?

Education

How will parents make important decisions about the children’s education, e.g. about which school they will attend, subject choices, about educational support, further education? What about parents’ evenings, school reports, school plays, school trips? Will both parents attend events? If so, will they go together or separately?

Health

Who will take the children to routine dentist, doctor, optometrist appointments? What happens if a child needs emergency medical or other care? At what point should the other parent be contacted? Should they come to the doctor’s surgery or hospital?

Money and gifts

This is another broad topic and can include child maintenance, paying for school trips (residential or other trips), financing further education and student living expenses, pocket money. Do parents give a joint birthday gift or do they double up? Should there be financial planning for the children’s futures?

Culture and religion

How will the children be brought up if their parents are of different faiths or follow no faith, or if they have different cultural backgrounds?

Parenting rules and styles

To what extent can one parent influence how the other parents the children in their home? Can children cope with different parenting rules and styles? It can help to categorise parenting decisions so that there are those that can be decided by one parent alone and others that are decided together.

Changes to family structure

How and when will the children be introduced to their parents’ new partners and their children? This is a sensitive matter and having a conversation about it can make a big difference both to the children and to the parents. The changing family structure can also have an impact on holidays and routine arrangements.

Appointing guardians

This can be a sensitive issue but is an important conversation to have. Who would look after the children if the unthinkable happens and both parents die? What financial provision would there be for the children?

Review of the plan and making changes to it

Children change as they grow older and so do their needs. Even the most detailed plan will usually need to be reviewed. It’s good practice to include the frequency as well as the method of reviews in the plan, as well as an agreed way of resolving any differences of opinion. A mutual friend or a relative might be chosen to help, or parents can choose to return to mediation.

What Goes Into a Parenting Plan?

I hope that’s given you an idea of what goes into a parenting plan. If you want more information or to have a chat about your own situation, give us a call.

Contact us on 01473 487427.

Elisabet Anderson, FMC accredited family mediator

  
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