Love Lose Live: Divorce is a Rollercoaster – A book review

Mary Banham-Hall is an experienced lawyer and mediator. After many years of listening to the stories of separating and divorcing couples, she decided to give a voice to the Bailey family in her new novel, Love Lose Live: Divorce is a Rollercoaster. [Her] hope is that separating and divorcing couples may gain some understanding of the well-trodden path they are on by reading [her] story.

What’s it all about?

Simon and Beth, married with three children, have grown apart. At the beginning of the book they are at the “trying to make it work” stage in their marriage. This quickly falls flat and their rollercoaster ride begins. Simon starts a new relationship; he leaves the family home and becomes a part-time dad. Beth is a qualified solicitor, now a full-time mum, who has done some freelance editing of law books. She soon goes back to her old firm as a solicitor on a part-time basis, and the logistics of juggling work and children begin.

Why I would recommend this book

It’s a book of fiction with information baked in. That’s useful, because there probably aren’t many who are in the right frame of mind to read and absorb the contents of a textbook when they’re going through the turmoil of relationship breakdown. There’s so much to process and understand: mediation, divorce, sorting out finances, making arrangements for the children. Never mind grieving for a life that’s fast slipping away. Love Lose Live shows a family going through all this.

What not to do

At the eleventh hour, Simon and Beth start to get things right, for themselves and for their children. They decide to try mediation. But there’s an awful lot of heartache along the way. By then, Simon and Beth have stumbled into many common parenting pitfalls. If I’d been watching the movie version of the story, I would have been behind a cushion or watching through my fingers.

Keeps you reading

It’s a page turner. As a reader, you’re hooked. What’s going to happen next?  There are several relationships running parallel. The author flits between them to keep the pace going. There’s Simon and Beth, the main characters, the three children, Charles 10, Ben 8 and Catherine 4. Each takes on a role – for a four year-old, Catherine’s incredibly proactive! There’s Granny (Simon’s mother), Rose (Beth’s neighbour), Harriet (Simon’s new partner), Tony (Beth’s client …).

Rounding up

The Afterword is excellent. It is crammed full of useful information. Mary explains the grieving process during family breakdown. She talks about communication problems, the effect of divorce on children, how to introduce new partners, and more. She relates these things to events in the story, which means that the reader has a clear illustration of each point. 

It surprised me a little that Mary chose a mediation model based more on civil rather than family mediation. With the exception of the preliminary separate intake meetings, the entire mediation took place over one day, with lawyers present throughout. Although not unheard of, I would say that it isn’t the norm. Having said that, it suited the romance of the story.

I join in Mary’s hope that her book will help couples gain some understanding of the well-trodden path of separation and divorce. I will recommend Love Lose Live to parents going through this life-changing event with our support at Anderson Mediation.

Elisabet Anderson, FMC family mediator.

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I’m a mediator and a member of the College of Mediators. I’m also a non-practising solicitor. I help couples negotiate financial settlements and parenting arrangements in separation and divorce. As a family solicitor, I worked for one person. Now, as a mediator, I am able to support two people together to help them reach the best possible outcome for their whole family.