It will soon be the end of the school year. With most schools closing for at least six weeks, many children with separated parents are looking forward to spending lots of time with  one or both of them during the long summer break.

The stress of separation

With annual school holidays typically at least twice as long as the annual leave of most working people, many parents find that organising time off to look after their children becomes very stressful. Add to that the thought of not seeing their children for weeks at a time, and the stress levels can start to rocket.

Whatever position you are in – as the parent who tends to see your children during the week or the one who mainly sees them over weekends – these tips may help you keep calm and, perhaps more importantly, ensure your children do not have to cope with the stress of parents who are arguing.

Talk to your children about your plans

Don’t just tell the children what you plan to do, ask them what they would like. Children have a right to be heard (Article 12 of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child). This doesn’t mean you have to do what they suggest (after all, would you agree to let them choose their own bed times when they are young?). But try to show them that you have taken on board some of their ideas.

Plan ahead

It’s unrealistic to expect to be able to phone up the other parent with your holiday plans a week before school’s out hoping the conversation will go well. Plan well ahead. So well ahead that any immediate failure to see eye-to-eye doesn’t jeopardise any arrangements. Don’t leave things to the last minute. Diarise the time you plan to talk, don’t rely on chance. If you don’t you may find time runs out for both of you.

Talk to the other parent about your plans

Sometimes we think we’ve spoken to someone about something only to find out we’ve only thought about speaking to them. Sometimes we tell someone something and they don’t hear us. Sometimes people tell us things and we haven’t listened. Effective communication is not as simple as we might sometimes think.

Meet don’t text

Try to meet face-to-face. Or at least arrange a conversation on the phone or over Skype. Relying on emails or text messages so often leads to misunderstandings. Diarise the time rather.  And remember, the other parent will probably have plenty to discuss with you too.

Use an online shared calendar

To make sure you and the other parent – and your children – are clear about any plans, think about sharing an online calendar (Google or Apple, for example). That way, times and dates will be transparent for all to see – and so you can head off any potential misunderstandings.

Take a step towards a less conflicted future for yourself and your children by planning ahead this summer.

I am Stephen G Anderson and I am a professional mediator. Online and off.

Stephen G Anderson

FMCA accredited family mediator

info@andmediation.com

www.andmediation.com

+44 1473 487427