Children & Parenting
Give your children the support they deserve.
With family mediation, you’ll be putting them first.
What is Family Mediation?
Children are affected when their parents separate. By working together in mediation instead of going to court, parents will help their children cope better. Parenting mediation puts the children’s needs first. It allows parents to talk through child-related matters in a safe, supportive environment.
It can be difficult to sort out parenting arrangements, not least because parents are coming to terms with no longer being able to spend 100% of the time with their children. By learning to separate any negative feelings they may have towards each other, and concentrating on their roles as parents, they can make decisions that will be better for the family as a whole.
What makes Start different?
At Start Mediation, we help parents create their own parenting plans. Parents who don’t live together, are unlikely to have the opportunity to speak to each other on a daily basis about their children. A parenting plan offers an alternative to those daily conversations. Mediation is a good way of creating a parenting plan where parents are unable to do this between themselves.
The mediator will make sure that both parents have the opportunity to speak and listen to each other. They will also help them work out how they should behave in any given situation. Having talked things through, and knowing what is expected of them makes it more likely that they will follow the plan., They will know what to do in an emergency, when they meet a new partner, or when one of them wants to change the routine arrangements.
Creating a parenting plan with the help of a mediator also allows them to practise and improve their communication, and improved communication can help them solve any problems that arise in the future.
A parenting plan might include the following:
- How to communicate.
- Living and holiday arrangements etc.
- Education and schooling.
- Health and wellbeing.
- Reviewing and making changes to the parenting plan.
The plan can be written or unwritten, the choice will be yours as parents.
What is a MIAM?
A MIAM is a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting. It’s a private, confidential 60-minute meeting with one of our accredited family mediators, on your own. It can take place at our meeting rooms in Ipswich or online by Zoom.
If you want to apply to the family court about arrangements for children, or about finances after separation, you must first attend a MIAM, unless an exemption applies. We also meet each person separately like this before any mediation starts, whether or not court is being considered.
At your MIAM, the mediator talks with you about what has happened and explains how mediation works, and how other processes work, such as court and arbitration. If you have children, we also tell you about child-inclusive mediation and other services that can help. You can ask any questions you have.
If we go on to meet the other person separately, we then decide whether mediation would be a suitable way forward. If it isn’t, or either of you decides not to go ahead, we can provide a MIAM certificate if you need to apply to court.
To book your MIAM, fill in our online form.
Frequently asked questions
Some of the questions parents ask us most often.
What happens at a MIAM?
A Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) is a private, confidential 60-minute meeting with one of our accredited family mediators, on your own. It can take place at our meeting rooms in Ipswich or online by Zoom.
Before the meeting, you complete our online information form, so that the meeting can focus on you and your options.
At the meeting, the mediator discusses with you what has happened and explains how problems like yours can be addressed. They explain how mediation works, and how other processes work, such as court and arbitration. You can ask any questions you have.
If we go on to meet the other person separately, we decide afterwards whether mediation would be a suitable way forward. If it is, we write to you both to invite you to mediate. If it isn’t, or either of you decides not to go ahead, we can provide a MIAM certificate if you need to apply to court.
Will the mediator speak to our children?
Children and young people should have the chance to be heard about decisions that affect them. This is called child-inclusive mediation. Elisabet Anderson is an accredited child-inclusive mediator.
Whether your child is offered the chance to speak with a mediator is decided by you and the other parent together, at a joint meeting with your mediator. If you agree, the child-inclusive mediator contacts your child, usually by email, to ask whether they would like to meet. Your child is free to say yes or no. This is usually for children aged 10 and over, who can generally make that decision for themselves.
The child-inclusive mediator meets your child on their own, in a way that suits their age. Your child is never asked to choose between you or to make decisions. You and your child both know beforehand that whatever your child says can stay completely confidential between them and the mediator. Often, a child will want some things passed on to one or both of you. Sometimes they want nothing passed on, and any feedback is then more general.
A day or two later, the child-inclusive mediator meets you and the other parent, without your child, to give you whatever feedback your child has agreed to.
Do we have to be in the same room?
Typically, yes. Mediation works best when you can talk to each other directly, with a mediator there to help. Meeting together is how we normally work.
For people who live locally, meetings usually take place in person at our meeting rooms in Ipswich. Where people live some distance apart, or one of you lives abroad, we meet online by Zoom, with everyone on screen together. We decide which is more suitable.
If you are worried about being in the same room as the other person, please tell us at your Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM). We take that seriously, and it is one of the things we consider when deciding whether mediation is suitable.
Where it is essential for the wellbeing or safety of any participant, there are other ways of working. Meeting online by Zoom can be an alternative for some people. On Zoom, we can also arrange for you to hear each other without seeing each other, or for each of you to be in a separate online room, seeing and hearing only the mediator.
Mediation can also take place through private meetings in separate rooms, with each of you talking separately with the mediator, in person or online. But mediation through private meetings is likely to take more meetings than mediation where participants can talk to each other directly.
What if the other person won't mediate?
When you first contact us, the other person may not even know mediation is an option yet. After we have met you, we contact them and invite them to their own Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM). Because we’re independent and don’t act for either of you, many people who might at first have said they’re not willing to mediate agree to meet when they hear from us directly.
If they still say no, waiting may be an option. They might simply not be ready yet. If they still won’t take part, you can apply to court if you want to, and we can provide a MIAM certificate.
Even then, mediation may still be possible. Judges must consider at every stage of a case whether mediation might help, so many people find there is an opportunity to mediate later on.
How much does it cost?
A Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) costs £199 per person. This covers your 60-minute meeting and us contacting the other person. If, after your MIAM, you decide you would rather not mediate, you can ask us for a MIAM certificate, and the cost of it is included in the price of the MIAM. We explain the details when you book.
Mediation meetings are charged at a fixed price per meeting, so you know the cost in advance. Most mediations take between two and six meetings. Our current prices are on our Pricing page.
If your problem or dispute involves children, you may be able to get up to £500 towards the cost of mediation through the government’s Family Mediation Voucher Scheme. The voucher can’t be used for MIAMs. If you’re eligible, we apply for it on your behalf.
Can mediation take place online?
Yes. We have mediated online since 2012, and Stephen Anderson was the first family mediator in the UK to offer online mediation routinely. Online meetings take place by Zoom, with everyone on screen together.
Online mediation can suit people who live in different parts of the country or abroad, who find it hard to travel, or who need to fit meetings around caring for children or their working hours. We decide with you whether meetings take place in person at our meeting rooms in Ipswich, or online.
For mediation, you need a laptop, desktop computer or tablet with a camera, propped up rather than handheld. A phone is fine for a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM). Our guide to mediating online explains how to prepare.