The Best Interests of Children

When I meet a mum or a dad for the first time before a parenting mediation, it’s likely each of them will at some point want to impress upon me that they know best what’s in “the best interests of children”. I believe they are genuine. Why wouldn’t I? Because few parents consciously want to do something that’s not in their children’s best interests.

Communication Breakdown

The problem for most parents is that when their relationships break down, their ability to communicate breaks down too. Before, they were able to discuss most parenting matters in ways which were constructive. This typically will have lead to an accepted viewpoint. After break down, what happens is that they tend to row about their differences. This is inability to communicate can lead to each of them believing that they have a more rational, improtant, valid and child-focused point of view. They beliebve they are the only one putting their children first. And they hope that they will get what they want for their children by convincing the mediator that they are the parent whose opinions matters. This isn’t how mediation works at all, though.

Every Child is Unique

As a mediator, I know that, most of the time, parents know what’s best for their children. So as a mediator, It would be wrong for me to even attempt to impose my views on mediating parents.  Every child is unique and every child should be treated as an individual.  And parents know their children better than anyone else.

So What is Best?

But I do know one thing that’s best for any and every child. This one thing is guaranteed to help a child in ways which no amount of solicitors’ correspondence, Cafcass interventions, counselling or judges’ decisions will never do. It is this: the best interests of children is to have parents who can communicate. If parents can communicate, they will not need to run to the courts, or anyone else to make decisions for them. Children will not then find themselves torn between the two people they love most in the world.

Mediation helps parents communicate. Mediation can help parents learn to communicate effectively again as co-parenting partners, and to leave behind the bad communication habits they have developed as former intimate partners.

Put Your Children First

Put your children first. Show them that you are willing to learn how to communicate well..

I am Stephen G Anderson. I am a professional mediator.

Stephen G Anderson, family mediator

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