Amicable Divorce for Expats – Online Mediation

You may be expats living in Spain or the United Arab Emirates. You may be further away in North America, Australia or New Zealand. Either way, your marriage has broken down and you want an amicable divorce under English law. You have heard about mediation, but there are no mediators where you are and, besides, divorce is a legal matter, right?

So you and your spouse start by each contacting solicitors back home. They both tell you, probably over the phone, that it should be straightforward. They are both members of Resolution and are committed to  resolving disputes in an amicable way. Since you both want to divorce amicably, this is a real bonus.

Bitter fighting

Twelve months later, you have each spent £10,000 on writing dozens of letters and you feel exhausted. You seem to have got nowhere. You’re still married and you are fighting bitterly over the children and money. Whereas you used to rub along together, you now can’t even bear to be in the same room, even when you meet on your children’s hand-overs.

Each solicitor is now telling you that the other’s demands are unreasonable. It will have to go to court. You’re both going to have to return to the UK for maybe two or three court  hearings. It is going to cost tens of thousands. Where did it all go wrong?

The System’s Fault

I’m not making this up but as an experienced mediator (and solicitor of 20+ years experience who has chosen not practise in law any longer), I come across scenarios like this all the time. It starts of with the parties wanting to be amicable and it ends up in a blood bath. What they don’t understand is that it’s not them who are to blame. It’s not even the solicitors’ fault. It’s the system’s fault.

Not a Matter for the Law

I know this will sound odd, but divorce isn’t typically a legal matter. It’s a legal matter as much as getting married is a legal matter.  Quite. People don’t tend to consult solicitors before tying the knot. Divorce is 50% communication problems, 49% fear – of the financial and parenting futures – and 1% the law (the percentages aren’t universal, but I hope you get the idea).

Relationship breakdowns typically experience communication failure . This creates fears about money and children. It’s no wonder that most solicitors who are trained in the law are actually the wrong professionals to go to for help. It’s like going to a brain surgeon for depression: great skills, but the wrong skills.

Online Mediation

Instead of approaching solicitors, expats could get in touch with an online mediator. Mediators are trained to help with communication. They also understand how to help parents with co-parenting. And they also understand how to manage a structured negotiation about financial needs within the context of what the law allows.

Online mediators, accredited by the Family Mediation Council, should have taken training to work via video Skype (or similar). I was the first family mediator in England to routinely offer online mediation. I helped write the guidance that exists to create standards and I train others. I have worked with clients in North America, Oceania, UAE and Europe.

If you think I can help you, please get in touch. My Skype ID is AndersonMediation.

I am Stephen G Anderson. I am a professional mediator and non-practising solicitor.

Stephen G Anderson, family mediator

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