A mediator’s letter has landed on the mat inside your front door. You have no idea what it’s about. Your ex has contacted a mediation service for help with “parenting arrangements”. But why? The kids see their dad every other weekend – as they have done for the past eighteen months. You split the holidays between you – with a bit of help from the grandparents. He knows what goes on in school …

The mediator’s letter invites you to call for a chat, and says that “the letter may be coming out of the blue …” Too right. But why should you call?

What have you got to lose?

The letter says that even though your ex got in touch with the mediation service first, they’ll support you both. You decide to call the mediator to let them know that you’re baffled. That you can’t see why you need mediation because things are fine. The mediator’s pleased to get your call and, after listening to you, explains a bit about how mediation works and how it can help parents who are parenting apart.

Confidentiality

You realise that the mediator isn’t going to tell you what your ex said in his meeting. It’s confidential. On the one hand, you still feel a bit in the dark. On the other hand, you find out that if you decide to go ahead and have a meeting of your own, that will also be confidential. This might be the first opportunity you have had to talk to an outsider about your parenting situation. See this as a positive. As something that can benefit not just you and your ex but the whole family.

Use it as an opportunity

You may not know the detail of what your ex wants to talk about, but this is an opportunity to look at the parenting situation from your point of view as well. Maybe things haven’t been as good as they could be? Perhaps there are things that you would like to talk about? If mediation goes ahead, both you and your ex will be able to raise things that are important to you. The mediator will help you create a list of the topics.

A chance to get to know the mediator

Your call to the mediator is a chance for you  to find out if they’re someone you could work with. It’s important that you’re placing your trust in someone you have confidence in. So, if a mediator’s letter has landed on your door mat, my recommendation would be to make that call. Find out more and take it from there.